Lady Lucy

Lucy,

As I sit here with Angel on my lap, and her drool all over my shirt, I can’t help but think you should be here, too. You have played such an instrumental part in shaping me into the person I am today. What pains me most is my inability to repay that debt. You were a friend when no one else would be, and a listener when no one else cared. You were more than just a cat, and you will always hold a special place in my heart.

I still remember the day that we adopted you from the pound. While you may have been physically small, your personality was anything but. You immediately came up to us, and made sure we heard you when you said hello. To the displeasure of my mother, throughout the entire car ride home your voice was heard above the layer of excited little girl squeals–beginning your career as a vocalist from the plastic beige cat carrier.

As time passed and our measurements in the door frame became higher and higher, our bond became stronger and stronger. While you have always been an outside cat, and I have always been allergic to cats, that never slowed me down from spending as much time with you as I possibly could. We would have tea together, play in the dirt together, pick up diseases in the sandbox together, and so much more than I can ever recount. I spent my second allowance on a tie-dyed leash for you, so that we could go for walks together. While you hated the leash with a burning passion, and refused to walk more than two feet on it with me, you tolerated my efforts and were patient with me. Every year on my birthday I would make a wish, and every year, I would make the same one. I would wish to not be allergic to cats, so that you could sleep with me at the foot of my bed and snuggle with me if I woke up in the middle of the night afraid of the monsters in my closet.

While my wish never came true in a literal sense, you have always been there to comfort me from the figurative monsters in my life. Through a divorce, a move, and bullies, you have always stayed by my side and remained loyal. We have laughed together and we have cried together. We have even gone for walks together—despite the lack of a leash. We have sunbathed together, and played in the snow together. We have celebrated birthdays and holidays, and we have mourned the loss of lost cats. We have been through so much together, and it has taken your death for me to realize how much time has passed and how much I have taken you for granted. I thought you would always be there, pestering me until I'd give you a few pellets of turtle food when I fed the turtles in the morning, and leaning into my hand when I scratched you behind your ears. You were just a part of life, just as food or shelter is a necessity of living. I never realized what I had until you were gone.

Thank you for being my rock, and for keeping me grounded. You inspire me. While my face was splotchy and red from both allergies and crying, when I laid on the grass next to you and watched you take in the world you loved so much for the last time, you were calm. You were in pain, and you could barely walk; but despite everything, you sat up as tall as you could, and enjoyed the moment. I watched you as you lifted your nose to take in the smell of home, the feel of the breeze on your face and soak in the setting sun one last time. While I know in my bones that you knew what was to come, you were content with the life that you had lived, and you were happy.

I stayed with you until the end, doing what I could to make sure you weren’t scared. You drifted off peacefully, and while it hurt to see the light leave your eyes, I knew that you would no longer be in pain, and after all that you had given me, stopping your pain was the least I could do.

I want you to know that you are loved, and that you shouldn’t be scared, because you will always have a place in my heart, and I will always be there to keep the monsters away. Thank you for everything. I love you.

Carly