TOXIC WASTE DUMP

My mother was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer in the beginning of march 2014. It came as another shock as my grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma cancer only a month or so prior. In a series of email updates sent to concerned family members and friends, this is her story. 

(Note: The most recent update is on top)

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12.16.2014

Hello all...Hope everyone is well and enjoying preparations for the upcoming Holidays.  It's been over two months since my last confession as I have had little or nothing cheerful or upbeat to report.  Although I am doing well (and "have good color"), I am mostly just tired.  Really......Really.....TIRED.  Tired of mentally slogging through molasses, tired of constantly being uncomfortable and in pain, tired of the emotional rollercoaster and tired of being a good sport.  Some days it's hard not to think that life just sucks.  I'm down to about 4 more months of treatment and my last infusion should land shortly after my 53rd birthday.  Obviously, it's better than the alternative but lately it seems like being in for the "long haul" just keeps getting longer.  I have an entire day's worth of appointments and testing tomorrow then another cycle of chemo starts Monday, just in time for Christmas.  I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but those tapes are wearing pretty thin right now.  Lots of sleep, although often elusive, sometimes gives me a boost of energy but it rarely last more than a few hours and sometimes make it harder to sleep the next time.  I have no doubt that I could cut back on my work hours, but don't really see the point.  It wouldn't help me feel any less exhausted and might in fact contribute to even more depression.  Pushing myself to keep going, through the next day, the next hour, the next minute seems like a better alternative than sitting around, restless and out of sorts while I dwell on my current circumstances.  At least staying busy keeps me distracted much of the time.  Likewise, I find that it takes a tremendous amount of energy to be pleasant and social when I'm really feeling surly and hostile, so lately it's been easier and less draining to avoid people whenever possible.  No offense, but nothing anyone says or does can change the situation.  I just keep reminding myself that I need to "hang in there" and know that this too shall pass.  Ugh!  I could probably go on for hours, but would rather not.  Thanks for listening and best wishes for a Happy Holiday Season. 

 -Z

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10.12.2014

Greetings from cancer land.   

Eight months after my initial diagnosis, I continue to chug along, having completed 1 of 12 IV doses of tumor suppressant and 4 of 6 1/2 weeks of radiation.  My first round of "biologic" was much quicker than my previous chemos and has only produced some minor variations of the same old side effects.  Its supposed to be less toxic than the earlier stuff, but reportedly has the cummulative effect, so time will tell.

Radiation is sort of an eerie experience, laying half-naked on a narrow metal table in a large, cold, mostly empty, subterrainian room with a giant ray gun type arm and its matching back stop off to the side.  The techs pose me in a very specific manner and tell me not to move (breathing is ok!)   They then use a whole series of lasers and projected images to move the table and machine around and line me up (93 cm from the lens, 10 cm off center) before everyone leaves the room, clicking the door shut on their way out.... After a period of chilly silence, a little red light on the edge of my peripheral vision lights up and a moment later the machine grinds, buzzes and humms for about 60 seconds as it radiates my upper right chest from an oblique angle.  The silence returns, both halves of the huge thing slowly but noisily rotate, the light goes on and it does its thing from the opposite angle.  More silence, the door clicks open and the techs return, telling me its ok to move, manuevering the machine off to the side, and lowering the table so I can climb down.  Although the whole process from disrobing to departing doesn't take very long, its a strange sort of surreal experience.   (Think the original Frankenstein movie)

I initially thought that I had been assigned to the placebo group of the research study, but now think I have gotten the higher dose of the active ingrediant (RTA 408) which it seems to be helping.   Although I grow slightly more red with every treatment, each weekend (four extra applications of lotion and no radiation) gives me the chance to heal back to the preceeding Wednesday before the incremental decline starts again on Monday.  I am currently bright red, as if I have a bad sunburn with some distinct areas of discomfort, but am extrememly grateful I have not developed the severe oozing blisters that most breast cancer patients suffer. My biggest issue is a bumpy rash which itches like crazy!  According to the radiation oncologist about 30% of his patient's develop this type of rash and likened it to the nerve endings responding to lower levels of damage before things really heat up.  Because of the research study, I am not allowed to apply any ointments or salves to the rash other than the research lotion which is applied and recorded exactly twice a day.  The medication seems to provide some temporary soothing but does not eliminate the prickly itch.  Fortunately I am allowed to use cool compresses (no ice) which also provides some relief.

All of you, Carly and Ben, my extended family, coworkers and friends continue to be tremendous support and a great comfort.  I am truly blessed to have so many people who care.  Thank you.  I am thrilled with my fully healed tattoo and the fact that my hair is starting to grow back. Although those two things are somewhat at odds with eachother, I hope to come up with some sort of compromise between them.  I also hope to muster the courage to go out in public without a hat while still more or less bald, but am not there yet.  I am finally begining to see a light at the end of the tunnel and look forward to the day I can put all of this behind me. 

Thanks again, 

     -Z

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9.13.2014

Well, I did it!  After many months of hemming and hawing, planning and doubting, I finally mustered the courage to tattoo my scalp!  I saw a bald woman at the hospital on my first day of chemo with a huge floral tattoo on her head and thought "what a great way to embrace one's baldness."  I chose a very simple, elegant and organic design, with soft blended colors and no black lines.  It will be completely covered when my hair grows back.  The tattooist was very patient, and with Carly's input, drew and redrew the design until it looked really good.   He was very sweet and spent a great deal of time and energy getting everything just right even though he had several other people waiting.  He refused to charge me anything, but I managed to slip him a generous tip.  (If anyone's looking for a referral, I highly recommend Jacob at Cherry Street Tattoo.). Turns out he was born and raised in the small town in Louisiana where Bret and I used to live.  Most people have never heard of Natchitoches, let alone been there.  He worked in the grocery store where I did the weekly shopping and attended the university where I used to work.  Although he's a good bit younger than me, he thinks he probably carried my groceries to the car when he was a teen (that was the chain's claim to fame.). We enjoyed sharing stories and memories of our separate yet overlapping years.  It made for a fun way to connect and helped pass the time.  Although parts of my skull really hurt while he was working, there were other parts that only felt like a persistent tug.  I'm eager to take the bandages off and even more excited to see it once it's healed.  Even with bandages on my head, the kids convinced me to go to the park tonight after dinner.  We took turns playing tennis, or at least pretending to.  I still get winded easily, Ben couldn't use his broken left arm and Carly has never really played tennis before.  We whiffed and faulted until it got so dark that we could hear but not see the balls.  The whole outing was very silly but lots of fun.  

Hope you all enjoy your weekend, 

     -Z

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9.4.2014

Happy Thursday.  

For the first time in what seems like a long time, I am sitting here doing absolutely nothing.  Life seems like it's been a real whirlwind lately with the start of school, frequent hospital shifts and ongoing medical treatments.  My year is off to a good start and I'm really excited to be returning to the same school.  Ben is now among the top dogs (8th graders) at his middle school (6th through 8th grade) and glad to have several of his buddies in classes with him.  Carly is settling in to her 11th grade year, gearing up for another season of debate, and contemplating the prospect of college searches around the corner.  Our outside-only kitties have started eating a great deal and will begin packing on the pounds before winter sets in.  The tomatoes are continuing to produce in abundance so the offer still stands for anyone who wants fresh tomatoes.  

I completed my third and final chemo August 18th and my hair loss seems to have slowed.   Lint rolling my clothes, hats and pillows multiple times a day got tedious and discouraging, to say nothing of how much my scalp itched. There wasn't much left and what was there was pretty raggedy, so I finally shaved it all off.  Oh boy!   My stomach has only had some intermittent distress, but my chemo nose and eyes have been driving me CRAZY!   Let me tell you; you never really appreciate the role of your nose hairs until you don't have any!  My nose ran continuously for several days, getting red and raw as if I had a cold.   Likewise, my eyes continue to itch and water constantly.  Apparently the chemo dries out the eyes, which in turn water like crazy to try to compensate.  The tears have the toxic chemo in them which irritate the eyes and the surrounding skin, leaving them wet, red and puffy.  It seems like I spend half the time looking like I've been crying when really I've only been doing so about 20% of the time.  (Not really).  Earlier this evening, I tried to go for a walk and made the mistake of taking off my glasses to enjoy the mild evening breeze.  A small gnat or fleck of dirt flew into my eye and you would have thought someone had stuck a red hot needle into it.  The pain took my breath away and stopped me dead in my tracks.  I could not clear my eye despite copious tears and finally had to go back home with my hand covering my eye.  I guess whatever it was stuck to my dry eye and didn't want to leave.  Eventually I was able to clear it with a bunch of eye drops.  Although it's even more swollen and red then it was earlier, it doesn't seem to need an eye patch which is a good thing since I would look REALLY ridiculous with my bald female head and a pirate patch!!!

Seriously though, this group of chemo treatments has been less physically distressing than the first but more emotionally up heaving.  I find myself riding a roller coaster of emotional waves, feeling like I'm wining the challenge one minute then plunging to the bottom of frustration, exhaustion and discouragement the next.  This pattern happened to a lesser degree with the earlier rounds of this series so I know it will pass.  I'll be ready when it does.  In the interim, I've kind of become obsessed with my finger nails as they gradually reveal and then heal the chemo damage.  The first set of very pronounced ridges are amazingly equally spaced and grow increasingly deep as they march across the nail.  Some of them are almost completely grown out, one has pivoted on a 30 degree angle and others have only grown out a little.  The second series of ridges is much less obvious and only just now starting to show in some cases.  The peeling between the layers of nail seems to be diminishing as does the separations between the nails and the nail beds.  The ringing in my ears is getting louder again, but will pass by the end of next week. I'm getting better at ignoring it as long as I stay busy during the day and when it's really bad at night the radio usually blocks it out enough that I can fall asleep.

I find myself more anxious about my upcoming radiation than I ever was for the chemo which seems kind of bassackwards since chemo is systemic with more side effects and radiation is very focused and limited  The only explanation I have come up with is that I have a general understanding of the chemical mechanism behind chemo and it's impact but don't understand the physics/chemistry behind radiation.  It seems like a mysterious hocus-pocus sort of thing with vague, invisible particles and inexplicable results.  I was referred to and have agreed to participate in a clinical double-blind study researching the efficacy of an experimental ointment.  The hope is that it prevents and/or reduces the amount of radiation dermatitis (which is a less intimidating way of saying radiation burns.)  The active ingredient shows promise in rodent studies and is also being investigated for use with melanoma and ocular surgery.  I have a 33% chance of getting the full strength medication.   I had my "radiation simulation" and study consultation this afternoon and if the lab results and treatment plans are approved will start using the ointment next week and the actual radiation will begin around the 18th.  

This note is taking longer than anticipated so it is definitely time for bed now.  

Enjoy your weekend, 
    
    -Z

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8.10.2014

Waiting......passively waiting........of all the things the cancer booklets, pamphlets, and flyers warn you about treatment, (side effects, relapses, complications, etc.) they don't tell you anything about all the time and frustration spent waiting.  Waiting for test results, waiting for the doctor to appear, waiting for treatment to start, waiting for side effects to kick in, waiting for side effects to pass, waiting for hair to grow in, waiting for hair to finish falling out (again!), waiting for the next treatment to begin, waiting for meds to be brought up from the pharmacy, waiting for the staff to finish with another patient, waiting for meds to finish dripping through the IV line,........mostly just waiting to get on with life.  It's definitely an opportunity (or two or three) to practice patience.  I always thought I had a fair amount of patience but guess I needed more.  I also never thought I'd be truly grateful for a smart phone that has jigsaw puzzles and games readily available at any given moment but I sure am now.  Thank you!

Currently, I'm waiting for the now familiar internal revolt that's about to happen and it's eventual retreat.  I had been planning for over a year to take the time this summer to demolish the useless quarter-round fireplace that sits in our mud room collecting dust and junk. (Photo attached)  I even went and checked out the rental options on a 15 lb. chipping hammer (think mini jack hammer) and had it all lined up.  Sadly, I'm just too weak and fatigued to carry a chipping hammer let alone use one, so we will live with the monstrosity for a few more months.  I've worked on a few small projects and ones that I can stop and start around the house, but nothing big like I usually try to tackle over the summer.

It's hard to believe that I start back to school in nine days.  I'm thrilled to be returning to TRAICE for a second year and excited about our strengthening team.  Although I'd love for summer break to go on for another month or two or better yet until I'm completely done with treatment,I'm grateful to have had the past ten weeks to focus on my health and my family.   It's been a challenging summer but it would have been all the more so if we had to deal with everything and school too.  Sleep has been the greatest asset of being off for the summer, since I can sleep late or nap during the day as needed.  It seems like quite the luxury.  Carly returns from camp tomorrow and we'll enjoy a week before that alarm starts ringing every weekday at 6:00 AM!

I'm done for today and hope that you are all well.  

Love, 

    -Z

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7.21.2014

Hi, Welcome to the 11th (and very long-winded) installment of the Toxic Waste Dump.  I have had to postpone writing until now as I have been unable to wear my glasses any more than absolutely necessary.  Turns out that the first round of the second series of chemo was rocking along with only minor discomforts until the 7th day. Within a few hours of seeing my oncologist and letting him know how well I was doing, the GI distress arrived in earnest and I developed contact sores inside my lips, along my tongue and on the bridge of my nose.  The only thing I know to equate them to is bed sores!   I've gotten them each time before on my tongue and in my mouth, but never before on my nose!  I have a medicine that is literally called "magic mouthwash" which does a fabulous job of managing  the ones inside my mouth, but doesn't touch the ones on my nose.  After many frustrating hours of not being able to see very well (wearing my glasses just makes the sores worse),  I finally found an old pair of readers that are light-weight and strong enough that I can perch on the very end of my nose and peer out at things that are close up, but doesn't  help with seeing things at a distance or with driving.  My nails continue to gradually peel away from the nail beds (which sounds worse than it feels) and have ridges like little mini washboards.  Too bad that description doesn't apply to my belly!!!   I've diligently grown about an inch of very dark hair in the past two months and am holding tightly onto each follicle in the hopes that I don't lose the progress I've made. I have painstakingly completed my first arm assessment, and am supposed to repeat the process monthly for the rest of my life.  I have four reference points at which to measure and multiple baselines to which to compare to determine if there is any unexplained swelling in the surgically impacted arm (my right).  Apparently any time lymph nodes that drain an extremity are impacted by surgery, injury or illness, there is a risk of lymphademia.  It is an accumulation of the naturally circulating clear lymph fluid that the impaired lymph system can nolonger remove.  It basically means that your limb swells up, becoming hard and painful to the touch if allowed to progress to the irreversible stage. My assigned lymphademia specialist gave me lots of dire warnings, cautions and statistics about all the things I absolutely should not do in order to avoid lymphadema, but has since backed off and re-offered them as suggestions and guidelines rather than absolutes.  I have a special constriction sleeve to wear and excercises to conduct if I detect any hint of swelling, but noone can seem to provide a realistic estimation of my risk level.  Its all rather intimidating.

Since my last installment, we received an emergency call from a friend of Carly's who found an abandoned kitten the day before they left to go out of town.  The poor thing appeared to be seriously dehydrated, starved and/or malformed but we agreed to foster him for the weekend with the stout assurance that they would reclaim him when they returned. Upon arriving, little Cezar stumbled around a few paces at a time between falling asleep in whatever position he was in with his eyes open for five or ten minutes and then stumbling on again.  He appeared to be deaf and blind as he did not respond to any movement or loud noises and repeatedly walked into things.  He physically appeared to be about 8 to 10 weeks old, but acted as if he had just been born.  At one point he tried to climb into the book case, but fell asleep leaning in the corner.  When he woke up, he fell over and then rambled on his way into the back of the recliner.  He was as limp as a wet dishrag and was the cutest but most tragic cat we'd ever cared for. He wouldn't eat or drink so we used a syringe to try to shoot water and watered down food into his mouth, but he just let it dribble out.  He didn't meow or purr, but sort of squeaked pitifully now and then.   I really though he was going to die. We lined the bath tub with many layers of towels and blankets to keep him from wandering off or getting to cold and left food and water at the drain end which he seemed to completely ignore.  Somehow he stumbled through the night but we had to clean up the food, water and bathroom mess he'd created.  He still  wouldn't eat or drink and seemed doomed.  It occurred to me while eating my breakfast cereal that morning that sugared milk might be a last ditch option.  We diluted a bunch of sugar in a small bowl of milk and squirted that into his mouth.  He actually licked his lips and seemed to swallow some of the second and third syringeful.  He promptly fell asleep for longer than usual which was unnerving to say the least, but when he finally woke up, however, he actually started looking around.  We got him to swallow a little more milk and take a few bites of moist food!  He gradually seemed to grow stronger between naps, grew increasingly alert, started following movement with his eyes, turned his head in response to noises and stopped walking into things.  It seemed as if he had turned the corner.  Once he started eating, he was on a roll and we had to go to the store to get several more cans of food.  He began meowing, climbing, chasing and using the litter box. By the time our friends came to retrieve him on Sunday, he was a totally new kitten.  They were thrilled and we were relieved.  Yeah Team!

One final note:  Upon our return from North Carolina, I hung the stained glass star of my mom's that had hung overlooked atop the door to her shed for many years in our tree out front.  It was attractive but unispiring.  Last week while working in the yard, I noticed that it was literally glowing!  The sun was setting at just the right angle that the star lit up as if on fire and looked astounding. It is comfortaing to think that her spirit is content hanging out in our garden overlooking the flowers, kitties and wildlife that visit that section of our yard.

Blessings to you all, 

    -Z

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7.2.2014

We made it!  We arrived home late last night after driving 22 out of 32 hours.  The car was completely loaded down with two cast iron chairs, a cast iron table, a wrought iron bird bath, two metal plant stands, an old fashioned lawn mower, three soccer chairs and a bicycle ON TOP, plus a cedar chest, three arm chairs, four folding chairs, a folding table, a large wicker hamper, several suitcases and numerous boxes of china, kitchenware and nicknacks inside.  We looked like the Beverly Hillbillies and I definitely won the Tetris award for packing it all in there!  The car handled surprisingly well and we endured only one mild rattle intermittently.  We were awed by some beautiful lightning-loaded storms (were only a tiny bit worried that we would get struck with all the metal on top),  impressed by the sight of our first ever solar farm and got tickled when we passed through Toad Suck, Arkansas.  We played many rounds of twenty questions and probably exceeded the twenty question limit each time.  We were temporarily stumped in turn by water fountain, tire and etch-a-sketch but enjoyed lots of laughs in the process.  We were also captivated by an audio book which we still need to finish.

Although our week in NC was not exactly a vacation, we managed to squeeze in a couple of trips to the beach, one of which included dolphins swimming along the shoreline, some delicious seafood meals and a morning of kayaking that included glimpses of a sea turtle lazing around a back slew.  We tackled lots of yard work at mom's house and initiated contact with the many professionals who will help us continue the unwinding process.  I have been saddened to get home last night and not have mom to notify that we made it safely, to unpack items that have been in her house for decades and even more so to remove her name from this email distribution list.  She was a strong and imposing person and will be sorely missed.  

Looking forward, Carly leaves Sunday morning for two different back-to-back two-week debate camps and Ben and I hope to begin repainting his bedroom and finish painting the trim on one of our sheds.  I hope not to get bogged down by the second series of chemo sessions which start next week.  I will keep you posted as things progress.  

Happy Fourth,

   -Z

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6.5.2014

Hello fellow earthlings.  It's hard to believe that it's been a week since my surgery, but sure enough I had my follow-up appointment today and got the all clear.  Both lymph nodes were free of any cancer and the tumor had shrunk to nothing so she removed the "marking clip" with completely clear margins.  This is great news, but sadly not the end of the line.  My instructions are to ease into my regular activities, the operative word being "ease" which has never been my strong suit.  This week has been a challenge only in that I haven't really felt bad, but haven't really felt good.  We've had some intermittent rain lately which is a great thing but It makes me want to plant things.  Unfortunately, It's really hard to wield a shovel with only one hand (I know, I've tried) so I've had to be content with watering and watching my garden grow (and get eaten by slugs in the dark of night) which is kinda boring in comparison.  On the other hand, I've been able to take almost-daily long walks which has helped pass the time, but I've read a whole bunch of books (some good, some so-so), played too many mindless on-line games, and watched too many TV movies.  It's been easy to get out of sync with the normal world, staying up too late and sleeping even later, but we're trying not to get tooooo cozy in this summer swing since we'll be back in the real world in a few weeks when we head to North Carolina to hang out with my mom and her family.  It'll be really nice to have two drivers for the long drive since we don't have a lot of time and need to get there and back in a timely manner.  Ben has engineering camp immediately before we leave and Carly has debate camp shortly after we return.  Amidst all that, I'll continue to work at the hospital a few days a week and "take it easy" around the home front in anticipation of starting chemo again in July. Hope all of you are well and enjoying some fun summer activities. 

   -Z

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5.29.2014

Surgery went well.  Already home thanks to my wonderful neighbor, Harmony.  Hoping to get some sleep.  

Ciao,
   -Z

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5.3.2014 

Greetings from the recliner in the corner.  Today has been a very gentle day.  After listening to the radio in bed for several hours this morning I was energized enough to go sit outside on the porch swing and read my book. It was a beautiful spring morning and the maple count seems to have abated a bit.  The pond and irises are delightful, but one of our turtles has disappeared again.  She runs off to lay eggs every year about this time so we've erected some temporary pig wire to keep her in.  We've yet to figure out how she can get out of a twelve inch high concrete walled enclosure with a three foot drop to the ground on the other side, but know for sure she couldn't get back in.  I couldn't find her this morning, but sure hope she's hiding in the vegetation and not streaking across the neighbor's yard.  The nearby mowing eventually chased me back inside to my favorite recliner and several TV movies.  I considered a couple of projects and chores, but finally decided that a few loads of laundry was about all I wanted to tackle. Seems like a good day to avoid putting friction on my healing leg wound and stimulating my annoying cough.

Lately life has seemed very surreal.  When I look in the mirror or stay rooted in the same spot all day doing absolutely nothing, I wonder "Surely this can't be MY life."  Just yesterday I was digging a new flower bed, re-grouting the bathroom tile, volunteering across town and walking several miles on a regular basis.  How did I get here?  How is it that a tiny little molecule that I can't see or feel has reduced me to this?   How is it that some other microscopic molecules can so significantly impact my physical well-being and daily functioning?  Why is it that the back of my hair seems to have started regrowing while the front has not,  why is there a ringing in my ears constantly and why have my nail beds started hurting?  How will this whole experience make sense in my life as a whole?  Obviously my brain still runs at ninety to nothing (down all sorts of rabbit trails) even when my body doesn't.  I keep reminding myself that at this time next year life will be totally different than it is today, although what that might be, I have no idea.  For now, I'm glad that the fourth and final round of chemo in this series is behind me and my surgery is scheduled for May 29th.  The second series of chemo should start sometime in July after I've healed from surgery.  

More adventures to come,

    -Z

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4.23.2014

Hello from chair 14 of the infusion lab.  I am currently receiving my follow up fluids, meds and booster shot after getting chemo yesterday.  I can definitely see the cumulative effects of this process as the side effects have come earlier and harder with each subsequent treatment (not including the first one which was stronger than I needed.). The nurses are really nice here and take good care of the patients.  They have a full house today and are VERY busy, but maintain a friendly, pleasant and helpful attitude.  My eyesight is blurry from the chemo which makes it hard to read what I've typed, so I will call it quits for now.  Hope everyone has a good day.
   -Z
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4.11.2014

I am writing from the comfort and privacy of my own hospital room where I have been for the past two days and am scheduled to spend the weekend.  Turns out that one of the localized skin infections I had did not remain localized, but decided it wanted to run up and down my entire thigh.

My neighbor was kind enough to take me to the ER Wednesday night where they gratuitously opened and drained the golf-ball sized abscess, packed it full of cotton wicking and started me on IV antibiotics.  I continue to get IV meds and twice daily dressing changes.  I had the pleasure of getting the packing changed this morning and I assure you it is an opportunity you don't want to miss.  They want to keep me through the weekend and have promised me that if I behave myself that I will be well enough to travel by Wednesday.  The size and area of infection seems to be shrinking and I no longer feel so weak. They finally cut me loose on Sunday and I had a couple of days to rest before went to North Carolina.  I let Carly push me around the airport in a wheel chair and Ben handled my carry-on which was great of them and hard for me.  We had a great visit with my mom, who is doing much better and is now looking forward to our family reunion in June.

TTYL, 
   -Z

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4.7.2014

Greetings!  The last weekend in March was great, as I felt almost normal, ate like a regular person and even spent some time working in the yard.  I was able to earn some much needed CEU’s for my licensure and worked several hours at the hospital.  April fool’s, however, ushered in a whole new perspective.  I had round 3 of this series of chemo treatments last Tuesday, felt so/so Wednesday through Friday and woke up feeling pretty poorly on Saturday.  It’s surprising how many bodily systems can be impacted by the chemicals they inject.  Of course there’s all the obvious ones like GI distress, constant headaches, loss of taste and smell, hair loss, sleep disruption, severe body aches, additional sinus drainage, bleeding issues and skin infections, but there are also some odd ones that I didn’t know about until recently such as recurring eyebrow twitching and hypersensitivity to the balls of the feet.  Very strange, but apparently very common.  I find it very annoying that my somatic concerns take up such a huge percentage of my focus these days and wish I could do a better job or blocking it all out.  I carry a veritable medicine chest of OTC meds around with me as I am constantly contending with one side effect or another.  Fortunately, the OTC meds mostly  do the trick and I have only had to have one round of antibiotics so far.  God seems to have quite the sense of humor as I also had to deal with multiple electronic issues this past week, including the cable box needing replacing, two tv’s going out, my office fridge literally going up in smoke and the school’s i-pad charging cable getting obliterated in the vacuum.  It became so excessive that it was comical.  I spent this past weekend grappling with side effects, earning more CEU’s, working at the hospital and getting the important electronics repaired, upgraded or replaced.  The rest will have to wait.  The kids came back last night and we had a wonderful dinner that a friend provided and watched a cute movie on tv.  Carly is headed off to the state debate competition later this week and Ben is working on several different school projects.  I have a routine echocardiogram and blood work tomorrow to make sure that everything continues to move along smoothly and am looking forward to the start of the upswing by the end of this week.  Hope all is well with everyone.  

Lots of Love,
   -Z

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3.19.2014

Chemo #2 went well last Tuesday but we forgot the booster shot on Wednesday, so I went back on Friday.  Had a reaction to the booster and had to lay around the lab until my blood pressure climbed back up to a more normal level.  Didn't sleep a whole lot with all the steroids although that has improved slightly since then.  Blood work Monday showed platelets still on the very low side of normal so no platelets for now. Another round of labs on Friday.  Got my second hair cut last weekend and finally shaved it all off last night.  I got tired of having to use the lint roller on my bed and pillow every day.  I've watched far more tv than I ever wanted to and wander longingly outside in the nice weather.  Fortunately my neighbor and I sometimes go for walks in the evening which is an awesome distraction.  Our friends and family have done an amazing job keeping us fed which is a huge blessing since nothing tastes or smells right and I have no desire or motivation to cook (let alone clean). Guess now I have the perfect excuse. :)  Thank you for all your kind notes, cards, emails, texts and calls, they help keep my spirits up let us know we're not in this alone.  

Best wishes, and thanks again.  
   -Z

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3.7.2014

To pick up where I left off, last Friday’s lab work showed that my platelets had increased from a 3 to a 9 (not anywhere near the 150 to 300 normal range) and my spontaneous blood blisters and canker sores on my lips and tongue were increasing in number,  SO……… back to the infusion lab for more platelets.  Was supposed to get four units, but had an allergic reaction after the second so they quit without administering the last two.   Spent the weekend chillin’, running errands before the snow and trying to avoid any cuts and bruises since clotting, or not clotting, was a huge potential problem.  Still had occasional bloody noses, but they seemed to dry up after a while.  Monday’s lab amidst the snow day showed a platelet increase to 76 and Wednesday revealed a jump to 175.  No more platelets for now!  My doctor wants to avoid using the platelet boosting drugs if at all possible as there is a high risk of heart damage.  The good news is that the tumor has shrunk from a 2.2 centimeter to a 1.67 with only one treatment, so that is very hopeful.  This week has also provided a slight decrease in GI symptoms which is great and has allowed me to eat more.  I haven’t missed nearly as much work and am sleeping more days than not.  My hair continues to fall out at an alarming rate!  I had no idea that I had SO MANY individual hair shafts.  I bet if I’d saved them all I could have already made myself a full wig and still have the few remaining on my head.  Sorry Dad, guess I shouldn’t have had so much fun polishing your head when I was a kid.  Round two starts next week with some decreased steroids and decreased taxotere so that hopefully I won’t have quite so many reactions.

Sadly, Bret’s father died Monday morning, so the kids are having to cope with the loss of a third family member in six months.  Hard not to worry about them when they’ve had such a challenging year.  They spent some extra time with me this week while their dad traveled to Texarkana and they are always a huge help and a huge distraction.  They’ll get to spend the weekend with him before coming back to my house early next week.  Hope that you all find yourself well and appreciate all your love and support.

   -Z

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2.28.2014

First chemo was last week on Tuesday the 18th.  Booster shot on the 19th to encourage white cell production and stave off infection.  Lab work on Monday the 24th looked great…….Wednesday 26 developed a slight nose bleed that continued throughout the day.  Slept a few hour that night only to wake up with sinuses full of blood and none-stop nose bleed.  Went to doctor’s office Thursday after dropping off kids and was sent straight to lab.  White cells had skyrocketed to 40,000+ (normal is about 10,000) while platelets had plummeted to 3 (normal is 150 to 300).  Was sent to infusion lab and given three units of IV platelets.  Had an allergic type reaction including hives and uncontrolled shivering to platelets which was eventually controlled with Tylenol and Benadryl. Went home that night.  Will have labs drawn at lunch today to be sure things are OK, but nose bleed has stopped and all other symptoms have cleared.  Lots of drama and another day of missed work, but all is well.  

Thanks for all your love and support, 
   -Z

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